Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Calm week

It has been a calm week.

I got my first (and only?) Easter card this week.   Getting cards from people makes me happy, so I kept my Christmas cards displayed on top of my TV until I got Valentine's cards, and then I threw out my two Valentine's cards when I got my Easter card.  I don't know how long I should keep my Easter card displayed--until Pentecost, maybe?--because I do think it would be a little silly keeping it until Christmas, which is the next time I expect to get cards again.

It's been gray and rainy and windy.  Temperatures are in the 40's, but a warm front is supposed to move in tomorrow, so that on Friday, temps will be almost 80!

I've found a blog dedicated to the subject of hosting parties: http://www.hostessblog.com/   It's part of the larger "Hostess with the Mostess" website.

It's also my anniversary this week--the third year, or leather.  I was not to buy any frivolous things during Lent, but I took an exception, and got a new handbag.

On one of the lawns on campus, a wooden "flower" sculpture.


And in one of the greenhouses, tulips:

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Procrastinating

My first Christmas after I started my PhD program, I purchased a couple of books on procrastination. It had never been a big problem for me, but that year, it was. One of the books was The Now Habit.  He gave an image of procrastination as being on a roof, and being told that you had to walk across a narrow board to an adjacent building.  Most people would be reluctant to do so.  Then, imagine that the building was set on fire--would you walk across the board now?

That image of procrastination helped define what I was feeling--fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and at the same time, trapped by deadlines, feeling like I was being forced to perform, like I lacked any agency for my own actions, like everything I did was an act of desperation.

It's a beautiful day out today.  It's sunny, with temperatures in the high 60's, near 70.  I've got homework to finish, stuff I'm going to have to bluff my through.  One homework assignment, a vitae (which I've never written one before), two proposals for class projects, and then the PROPOSAL--a draft of the proposal for my thesis.  I feel overwhelmed.  And instead of tackling them, I'm going to go to my blog, and write, and pretend, for a little while, that they don't exist.

It's been a decent week.  The weather's been the best.  People are out walking in their shorts and short-sleeves.  I went out cleaned my car, put rain repellent on the windows, did laundry, and repotted 2 of my 3 African violets.

I'm a little stunned that Easter is only two weeks away, but I look forward to it.

(The penny remains)

P.S.  I got a call from my husband.  It's snowing in Metro.  And here I am, thinking of opening a window, because my apartment is too warm.  Who switched our weather?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My thoughts on dinner etiquette

The anniversary dinner sparked several discussions about dinner etiquette.

I tried to do some research on the topic ahead of time, and found it frustrating.  Most etiquette guides focus on wedding etiquette, giving a sense that weddings were the only times etiquette mattered.  But what about more daily entertaining?  Why could I not find a magazine or website devoted to home entertaining, that wasn't heavily focused on food and recipes?

I did find two sources of helpful information.  Chowhound's "Not About Food" section had several long discussions about dinner etiquette.  GardenWeb's "Home Site" forum, the "Entertaining" section, also had some discussions, but the traffic seemed a little slow.

My own thoughts on how to behave at a dinner generally concur with a response by Karl S. on the Chowhound boards:

Unless the meal is clearly identified as potluck, the host is responsible for the hospitality. For all the food and drink and what not. 

The guest brings good manners, a sociable attitude, and gratitude to the host. It is also good form, except for routine dining, to bring a token of appreciation (aka the hostess gift) that does not require any work for the host to deal with. (If you bring flowers, offer to deal with them so that the host can continue hosting, for example). In lieu of that, the guest may offer to bring something at the host's discretion and according the guest's ability.

Guests do not unbidden bring food or wine intended for the meal unbidden. That used to be considered very rude, in fact, because it implied that the host would be insufficient in offering hospitality....

I love nothing better than having a herd of guests arrive empty-handed when I am arranging for a full-service dinner party, as it were.

If the dinner party is not routine (OK, I am conceding that some dinner parties are routine, though as a host I do not try to convey that to a guest), I will appreciate Gracious Notes afterwards...and I am not a stickler if they are a greeting card/note rather than Perfectly Proper plain stationary.

And I would love to be reciprocated. If I cannot think of a hostess gift, I will offer to bring something, but very discreetly and not be pushy about it. When nothing is needed, I will do as I outline above as a guest.


I disagree with Karl S. on some points.  First, I think gifts of food, in the form of sweets/snacks/fruit/condiment IS appropriate. (I'm thinking gifts of candy, fruit basket, holiday nut mix, Girl Scout cookies...things like that.)  Drinks are appropriate gifts.  However, one should not expect the food or drink to be served with the meal and hosts are not obligated to serve the food/drink at the meal.

For my OWN behavior, I was taught, and firmly believe, that one should never show up empty-handed to an event.  Whether the invitation is a Chinese restaurant lunch buffet, a casual backyard barbeque, or an apartment "hang out and drink", I bring something.  Alcohol, flowers, chocolates, unique preserves, a card--just something, not nothing.  If the gift is something I can't take into the restaurant, I'll leave it in the car, and make sure to give it to the host at the end of the event.  Also, in respectful disagreement with Karl, I will happily accept flowers as hostess gifts. ^_^

I think a dinner invitation is a dinner invitation, whether to a pizza parlor, or a nice restaurant, or to someone's home.  I think a reciprocal invite is a reciprocal invite: it doesn't have to be dinner, it could be an invite to a movie or a round of bowling.

On Chowhound, there was a discussion on birthday celebrations at restaurants.  There was agreement that there are three forms:  (1) At the end of the meal, the guests takes the bill away from the birthday celebrant, and split it among themselves.   (2) Each person, including the celebrant, pays for his or her own meal and    (3) The birthday celebrant pays for everyone.

Since there are options, and since there is not an agreed upon way of hosting such a dinner, I believe one should make it known which type of event it will be.  I don't think a person should organize their own party if they are expecting others to pay for his meal, but the organizer should make it known to the guests before they accept the invite that the party will operate under scenario (1). It seems the most fair for everyone.  A person may invite others to their own party in situations (2) and (3), but they should word the invitation to denote which one it is (asking others to "join" vs. saying that you are "hosting").

In the same spirit of clarity, I think that if I were to throw a party at a restaurant where meals were included, but alcoholic beverages were not, I should put it on the invitation. That way, there would be no surprises for anyone.  I think to say that you are "hosting", without any comment, means that you pay for food AND drink.

One final thought.  When looking up searching the web for dinner etiquette, I came across this passage from the Bible's book of Luke.

12Then Jesus said to his host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind,14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."   (Luke 14: 12-14)

I've decided that as part of my anniversary dinner, I will make a donation to a local food bank.

(The penny remains)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Spring is near

I returned from Spring Break a couple of days ago.  I took a short trip to Metro--arriving Saturday around noon, then leaving at 6 am Wednesday.  It was a good trip, very low key.

Anniversary Dinner
The highlight of the trip was our anniversary dinner, which is a group event.  We've had one every year, so far, always during my Spring Break.  Officially, my husband and I host, though so far, my in-laws have always paid the bill.  We take a group of friends to a restaurant to celebrate.  We bring cake, of the same type and made by the same people that made our wedding cake, and hot pink roses for the ladies.

It's something I look forward to every year.  My husband and I don't do much for birthdays, so the anniversary dinner is our chance to party.  Plus, it feels fitting to me: our zero year anniversary (wedding) was attended by a large group of friends--why shouldn't all our anniversaries be group events?  Also, even though I've never attended any one else's (non "big year") anniversary party, it does seem strange to me that more people don't have yearly parties.    

I also figure that it gives people something of a vested interest in our marriage, as in "If they get divorced, we won't get invited to any more parties!"  At least, one day, I hope to be financially secure enough to throw parties our friends look forward to attending every year.

As part of the party preparations, I stopped by Sprinkles, a cupcake shop, to pick up a gluten-free cupcake. They're a famous bakery chain, apparently, but I had never heard of them before this year.  I had found them by Googling "Metro gluten-free cake" or something like that.

I found their signage to be confusing:

It says "Sprinkles, Bevery Hills"--nothing about the place being a bakery, or selling cupcakes.  Nothing in the windows, either, except the circles.   So, how, exactly, is one supposed to know what this place sells?  It could be a baking supply shop, but it could also sell fashion accessories or jewelry.  A crimpled lined circle isn't exactly the international symbol for cupcake.  Bad signage is one of my pet peeves.  This one irks me.  It's also inaccurate.  Their cupcakes don't have sprinkles.  In fact, their cupcakes are apparently famous for NOT having sprinkles (just a dot in the center).

The dinner itself was fun.  I had actually never been to the restaurant we had chosen for dinner.  My husband had been there once.  It was a Thai place, and quite romantic.  We had a section reserved in the back, with fabric rose petals hanging from strings of pearls from the ceiling, carved, painted wooden flowers on the walls, and even some beaded candle holders hanging above the table.  There was a small tv on the side wall.  It seemed appropriate that it was showing the wedding of the latest winner of ABC's The Bachelor.  

My in-laws had purchased bags of candy and placed them at each person's seat as party favors.  They also gifted us a gigantic fortune cookie, about a foot across--covered in a layer of chocolate, then drizzled in chocolate, caramel, and peanuts.  (I'm a Snickers fan).

I thought our waitress was wonderful, but I felt a little sorry for her, because we were all so busy talking to one another across the table that she couldn't get in a word to ask us how things were going!

It rained, of course.  I'm thinking that if there is ever a drought, my husband and I should be called to host an anniversary dinner.  It poured the night of our rehearsal dinner--my husband arrived with his shirt drenched through, and the roof of the restaurant where we had the rehearsal dinner started leaking.  The rain had stopped the next morning, thankfully.  Every year, it's the same pattern--it's a rainy night for the anniversary dinner, but when we leave the restaurant, it's stopped raining.  I guess that's just our good fortune.  (Of course, now that I've mentioned it on the blog, I've probably jinxed it.)

I look forward to next year!

Spring
Spring is almost here.  A month ago, I was looking for plant food for my violets, and found that the garden centers around here don't open until March.  Where I'm from, the garden centers are open all year.  But I returned to University Town to find balmy 50 degree weather (I didn't need to wear a coat!), and a sign on a garden center saying "Seeds are Here!"

The days are noticeably longer, and two of my three violets are in bloom.  And Daylight Savings is Sunday. Yippee!   I love Spring.

There were high winds before I left for Spring Break.  My door mat, which I had taped down with outdoor double stick tape, blew down the walkway.  But the penny remains.

February photo dump


The blog's name has become a misnomer:  I've been posting much less frequently than twice a week.  I've been called on that.  And I'd like to apologize to my readers.  I have an excuse--my classes this semester have a much heavier homework load than last semester.  That, and this blog has in a way accomplished what it's purpose was--to help me write.  When I think, I ask, "How would I say it if I were writing it?"  I used to think as writing when I was in high school. I framed my life as a story, and I tried to write it as I went along living it.  At some point I stopped writing it, just lived it, I guess, in a world without words, just images and experiences.  Once I started blogging, it forced me to start thinking about my life as a written story again.

But those are excuses, and I don't much care for excuses.  Instead of twice a week, I'll try posting once a week until the semester ends.

So now, photos.  Click to enlarge.
On campus, video game art done on a window, with Post-It notes.  It was snowing when I took the photo, so sorry for the snowflakes:

A close-up of the Spelunker guy:
Anyone know if the drawings at the bottom are original or if they also reference a video game?

Then, on the edge of campus, someone decided to create a bunch of snow people.
First, a teacher followed by students holding a rope (an more snowkids in the background):

A snowman in a headdress:

Then a couple of snowpeople who met violent ends:
And a shark attack:


The penny remains.