Procrastinating

My first Christmas after I started my PhD program, I purchased a couple of books on procrastination. It had never been a big problem for me, but that year, it was. One of the books was The Now Habit.  He gave an image of procrastination as being on a roof, and being told that you had to walk across a narrow board to an adjacent building.  Most people would be reluctant to do so.  Then, imagine that the building was set on fire--would you walk across the board now?

That image of procrastination helped define what I was feeling--fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and at the same time, trapped by deadlines, feeling like I was being forced to perform, like I lacked any agency for my own actions, like everything I did was an act of desperation.

It's a beautiful day out today.  It's sunny, with temperatures in the high 60's, near 70.  I've got homework to finish, stuff I'm going to have to bluff my through.  One homework assignment, a vitae (which I've never written one before), two proposals for class projects, and then the PROPOSAL--a draft of the proposal for my thesis.  I feel overwhelmed.  And instead of tackling them, I'm going to go to my blog, and write, and pretend, for a little while, that they don't exist.

It's been a decent week.  The weather's been the best.  People are out walking in their shorts and short-sleeves.  I went out cleaned my car, put rain repellent on the windows, did laundry, and repotted 2 of my 3 African violets.

I'm a little stunned that Easter is only two weeks away, but I look forward to it.

(The penny remains)

P.S.  I got a call from my husband.  It's snowing in Metro.  And here I am, thinking of opening a window, because my apartment is too warm.  Who switched our weather?